Need a gentle but effective way to stay out of others’ drama, issues that don’t concern you, or responsibilities someone is trying to move onto your plate? Try saying this: “I’m going to stay in my own lane on this one.” Easy, and done!
I just recently learned this technique and it works like a charm! Who can argue with it? Or more to the point, if people do argue, they just passed the test that says they aren’t simply blowing off steam–they are, in fact, trying to get you involved in their issue. So redouble your efforts, repeat again if necessary, but Stay in Your Own Lane!
A useful variant: “That’s not in my lane.” This is helpful when someone is asking you about something you have knowledge about, but sharing that information is gossipy or may step on someone else’s toes. No need to go down a slippery slope of what to share and what not to share, just stay out of it!
This phrase also works well with self talk–if you find yourself wanting to jump into something that shouldn’t concern you, or your mind is floating away from your daily goals/task at hand, try reminding yourself you need to Stay in Your Own Lane.
Be mindful of an opportunity to try this technique over the next week, even if it’s just integrating it into your own self talk.
Do you have a similar technique to share?
My psychiatrist, whom I started going to after I began having panic attacks due to work and the tone some people used when speaking to me (in my own department, offered me a couple of worksheets to figure out why I’d gotten angry or upset or confused, to be used after the incident, After I asked, “But what do I SAY in a situation like that?, he said, “When people argue with me, I say, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way, and walk away. But you have to WALK AWAY for it to work.”
I have done that twice since he suggested it (and rehearsed doing it in my head many times before I used it so the response would come up the minute I got into that situation) and it worked well for me. In fact, I found by calmly saying, “Sorry you feel that way,” and then walking away made me feel very detached from the anxiety/anger that was emerging. The further away from the situation I walked, literally, the less attached I felt to those emotions. Once I said, “Yes, you’re right. I’m going to go now,” because it was the more appropriate response, so you can tailor it – as long as you WALK AWAY! Acknowledging the person calmly and then leaving is the key, I’ve found.
Hi I learned this technique with a couple hula hoops .. Same idea ,stand inside the hula hoop , and that’s what I’m responsible for – outside my hula hoop ? Not my business . Love it !
The hula hoop imagery is great! Thanks for sharing this!
Oh sweet baby Luna. That makes so much more sense! Coming out of call centers, another way to look at this that just dawned me: Is it in my scope of support? or Does my department handle that?
*And* it also gives you that additional leeway to consider if they deserve any extra help and that extra bit of energy. If it’s not in your scope or your department doesn’t handle it – it’s not yours to deal with unless you really want to spend that extra bit that could potentially blow up into hours of energy spent.