Over the course of life, we develop a “sense of self”–a sense of what we’re good at, what we struggle with, what we enjoy, how others perceive us, etc. A healthy sense of self incorporates a realistic understanding of our strengths and our shortcomings. Over-inflating or understating either can lead to trouble. Because our sense of self is longitudinal in nature, i.e., our impressions begin in childhood, we sometimes hold on to skewed versions of ourselves that are not really accurate in the here-and-now. Therefore, it’s useful to periodically take a mental inventory of ourselves!
Today, I want you to take a mental inventory of things you do not like about yourself.
I know, I’m usually positive and affirming in Daily Shoring, but bear with me! After making note of a few things you don’t like about yourself, ask yourself these questions:
- Are you differentiating between “things you’re not good at” vs. “things you don’t like about yourself?” These are two different categories, easily confused, and they can change over time. If you’re not good at something, it’s likely you can compensate for that skill in other areas or improve upon that skill. If you’re simply not good at something, reconsider whether that is something you don’t like about yourself. Shortcomings are not the same thing as character flaws.
- Are the characteristics you don’t like about yourself still showing up on a regular basis? If you don’t regularly exhibit these characteristics, maybe they are no longer accurate descriptors of yourself. Since we begin to form our sense of self in childhood, we often evolve and outgrow undesirable characteristics. If you’ve changed for the better, first of all, congratulate yourself on your self improvement! Secondly, make a conscious decision to no longer think of yourself as having that particular undesirable characteristic. It’s fair to mentally make note that you had that tendency in the past, but it’s important to remind yourself that you’ve grown over time. Remember the post Be Mindful of How You Speak to Yourself? That concept is important here! Don’t label yourself in an outdated, unflattering way.
- If there are characteristics you don’t like about yourself, what are you doing to improve? A Daily Accounting is a great tool for self improvement! If you’re working on improving, remind yourself of that and include examples, i.e., “I have a tendency to be short-tempered, but yesterday when I was stuck in traffic, I handled it really well.”
- Are the things you don’t like about yourself a function of habits as opposed to personality characteristics? Again, there’s a difference–you can change your habits.
In asking yourself these questions, do you find that you have an accurate perception of your current strengths and weaknesses? Are you labeling your shortcomings (and yourself!) accurately? What can you do to improve upon undesirable personality characteristics? If you’re feeling motivated, focus on one undesirable personality characteristic and either use a Daily Accounting or The Power of Habit to bring about change.
Decisions, decisions, decisions. . . Most of us are fortunate enough to have choices in our lives, but too many choices can begin to overwhelm. Are you struggling with a decision right now? You may be dealing with a decision that can have significant life implications (which career to pursue, where to live, who to date) or more mundane choices that you still want to get right–which printer to buy, which phone plan to sign up for, what color to paint the bathroom.
Here are a few guidelines for getting out of “Analysis Paralysis”:
If a decision needs to be made soon:
- Give yourself a deadline, then gather the information you can. When it’s time to make the decision, you will know that you’re making the best decision you can with the information you have at the time. Then, make your decision and start committing yourself to the outcome you’ve chosen. Most decisions aren’t perfect–rarely is there a solution that is 100% correct. Sometimes it’s as imperfect as 49% to 51%, but if you need to make a choice, do so and move on. Often, the way things turn out depends on what you make of it–continued ambivalence after you’ve made your decision may undermine the outcome. If the decision can be reconsidered, give yourself a set date to reevaluate your decision but don’t spend every day trying to re-make your decision. And if the decision can’t be reconsidered, then don’t dwell on it–move forward.
If your decision does not have a deadline and you’ve been thinking and gathering information for a while:
- You may want to take a break. It’s okay to take a few months off from wrestling with a major decision–this is not the same thing as denial or procrastination! You may be emotionally exhausting yourself by ruminating over a decision to the point that you’ve lost perspective. If you’re not making progress, force yourself to take a break. Set a date in the future and reevaluate then. Sometimes, letting the dust settle helps bring about clarity; I’ve seen this strategy help many times. And remember, many decisions don’t have a definitively right or wrong solution–you have to make the best of an imperfect situation.
Your assignment for today:
If you’re struggling with analysis paralysis, use one of these strategies to push through. If you’re not struggling with any decisions right now, think of a time when you made the right decision, particularly if the decision turned out to be right because you made it work. Remember these strategies for decisions you will make in the future.
If you need a reminder of how fortunate we are to have choices in our lives, here are two biographies that may help you gain perspective:
One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
Man’s Search for Meaning, by Victor Frankl
Pay attention to your energy levels! Over the course of a day, do you plan your most productive tasks during the parts of the day when you have the most energy? Are you most energetic in the morning, afternoon, or evening? How do you account for this in your Daily Routines?
You can increase your energy and productivity throughout the day if you eat well and take periodic breaks. In sports and physical rehabilitation, this is referred to as “pacing.” If you go all out for extended periods of time, you’ll burn out more quickly and pay for it later with a “hangover effect.” Pacing will improve your stamina and productivity, both physically and mentally.
Today, pay attention to your energy level and whether you’re using your most energetic times of day to your advantage. If you’re pushing yourself to exhaustion or skipping meals, that’s counterproductive. What adjustments do you need to make? Try to incorporate these changes tomorrow.
If you’re feeling motivated, check out Off Balance: Getting Beyond The Work-Life Balance Myth. This book focuses on pacing yourself over the course of weeks or months in terms of work and personal obligations.
How do you pace yourself? Please share with other readers!
Remember the posts Add A Healthy Habit and Target One Bad Habit? I referenced The Power of Habit, which is a great read. Charles Duhigg, the author, emphasizes the importance of identifying your “keystone habit.” A keystone habit has a ripple effect–for example, when people start exercising regularly, they tend to start eating more healthily and become more productive. The healthy eating and increased productivity are not part of the original goal; instead, these healthy changes are part of a chain reaction that happens when you incorporate an important habit.
This positive chain reaction means you can prioritize one keystone habit and focus only on that habit–chances are, other healthy habits will follow. I see this healthy chain reaction with clients all the time, so I can attest that it works!
Can you identify the keystone habit you need to incorporate into your life?
If you need inspiration, read this article by Charles Duhigg on Lifehacker.
If you want to incorporate a keystone habit, I recommend you get very concrete (and realistic!) about your goal. What exactly do you want to accomplish? How does this habit look today as compared to your goal for one year from now? Write it down, calendar it, and be specific.
Mr. Duhigg’s research suggests that habits are not conscious decisions, but instead are routines. Once we start the routine, we go on autopilot and simply go through the steps of the routine–we don’t even think about it. This means that you need to establish a routine for the habit you want to add–that’s why you need to be specific and concrete. You can evolve the habit over time, but to get started, think repetition, repetition, repetition.
Research also shows that tracking your success helps reinforce healthy habits. You can incorporate this into your Daily Accounting or use a smartphone app such as Streaks.
Need more inspiration? Watch this TEDTalk by Matt Cutts–“Try Something New for 30 Days.”
What’s your keystone habit? Start writing down your keystone habit routine today!
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This post hearkens back to Have a Good Food Day–these concepts are worth repeating! Today, I would like you to consider adding a good food. Is there a food your doctor has recommended you add to your diet? Perhaps salmon, oatmeal, walnuts, blueberries, or more leafy green vegetables? Or is there something you intuitively know you need more of in your diet?
Today, try to identify the food you want to add to your diet. Sometime this week, stock up on this food and try to incorporate it over the next week. Then, take stock–do you feel better? Maybe you feel mentally better because you know you’re taking care of yourself?
If you need inspiration, click here to read Dr. Frank Lipman’s article on 7 “Foods with Benefits.”
What food did you decide to add?
