In several previous posts, (Make More Time to Relax, Improve Your Focus, Avoid Yard-Sticking) I’ve written about the benefits of practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness is a simple practice that grounds us, calms us, and keeps our attention focused on the present moment.
If you feel confused about exactly what mindfulness is and how to practice it, don’t worry! I also find the concept elusive at times, and a bit confusing–aren’t we supposed to think about, and plan for, the future? Isn’t it necessary at times to make sacrifices today for a better tomorrow? Sometimes my goals require me to do things I really don’t feel like doing in the present moment!
Practicing mindfulness can take many different forms. There are times you want to “be in the present moment” and enjoy what that moment has to offer.
For example, if you are playing with a child, practicing yoga, or eating a meal, try to be present in that moment–enjoy what that activity has to offer and don’t let your mind stray. If your mind starts to drift off to stressors, chores, or unhappy memories, gently remind yourself that, right now, the best use of your time is to engage in this moment. Then, refocus on the experience right in front of you.
There are also times that mindfulness simply means managing your physical and emotional stress, reminding yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing, and how your current activity helps you reach your goals.
Or, if your current behavior is not goal directed or promoting well being, mindfulness can help you make a conscious effort to change your behavior.
I seem to recall that this concept used to be referred to as an “attitude adjustment.” The core concept is that we sometimes have to do things we aren’t thrilled about, but if we 1) take a few deep breaths to calm the mind and body, and 2) refocus on the purpose or long term benefit of our present activity, then our attitude, focus, and mood will improve.
To help you practice mindfulness throughout the day, try this “Grounding Exercise” from Philippa Perry’s book, How To Stay Sane.
Ask yourself these questions:
“What am I feeling now?”
“What am I thinking now?”
“What am I doing at this moment?”
“How am I breathing?”
“What do I want for myself in this moment?”
Asking yourself these questions heightens your self-observation skills, which are an important component of emotional well being.
The goal is to momentarily turn your focus inward and make healthy adjustments–maybe you need to take a few deep breaths or shift your negative thinking to your Filler Task.
Try cueing yourself to engage in this Grounding Exercise a few times a day–maybe during your morning commute or right after lunch? Consider using an Implementation Intention: “If I’m driving and at the stop sign near my home, I will ask myself at least one of the Grounding Exercise questions.”
Alternatively, consider setting your smart phone to remind you of these questions a few times during the day–this random approach can be particularly helpful!
If you want to learn more, here’s a 10 minute TEDTalk on Happiness & Being in the Moment.
Simple–a behavioral rule that states, “If x, then y.” You make the rule. The x variable should be a situation, location, or behavior you anticipate encountering. The y variable is the behavioral response you choose. For example, “Today, if I am (x) hungry between meals, I will (y) eat an apple.”
If you need an easy goal, set an implementation intention just for today.
Examples:
“For today, if I haven’t exercised by 9:00 pm, I will do 5 minutes of stretching.”
“For today, if I get stuck in traffic, I will take three deep breaths and do a few neck stretches.”
If you’re feeling ambitious, you may want to set a longer term implementation intention that builds toward your Keystone Habit.
Examples:
“I want to lose weight and have a healthier diet. So, when I’m at work, I will snack only on fruit or veggies.”
“I want to handle stress better. So, when I feel rushed, I will take 3 deep breaths.”
“I want to be more patient. So, when I’m waiting in a long line, I will focus on something for which I’m grateful.”
What is your implementation intention?
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt
Today, I want you to heighten your awareness of a specific bad habit–yard-sticking—and try to avoid it!
“Yard-sticking” is the act of comparing yourself to others, particularly people in your own peer group, in a manner that results in feelings of inadequacy or jealousy.
The habit of comparing one’s self to others is as old as time and can be useful when used to keep ourselves on track and self-motivate.
Problems occur when your comparisons begin to make you feel inadequate (especially when it’s something you previously felt fine about!), or you feel jealous.
What’s the difference between envy and jealousy?
Envy is more adaptive–you can use those feelings to strive for better, or simply accept that others have more fortunate circumstances.
Jealousy involves feeling angry and/or resentful toward the person who enjoys more fortunate circumstances.
Your assignment for today is to arm yourself against yard-sticking.
How can you do this? Gratitude. What are you thankful for? In what way(s) do you feel fortunate? Arm yourself with this information and stay grounded. For this exercise in gratitude, don’t compare yourself only to others in your peer group–think about your station in life relative to everyone else on this planet. If you read the books I mentioned in Analysis Paralysis, you will understand when I say that it’s legitimate to be thankful that your feet are warm!
One more tip:
When comparing yourself to others, don’t compare someone else’s most favorable circumstance to one of your least favorable circumstances.
What in your life are you thankful for?
Yesterday, I encouraged you to Protect Your Daily Rituals, but today I want you to Change Your Routine!
There’s a difference between protecting restorative daily rituals and getting stuck in a rut.
Today, I want you to change something in your usual routine (but not part of your designated daily rituals!). Does that make sense?
Daily Rituals = Purposeful daily routines that promote well being
Usual Routine = Things you do simply out of habit
Why is it helpful to change something in your daily routine?
First of all, you can get out of a mental rut. If your habits serve no purpose, maybe there’s a more stimulating or healthy adaptation. Or, if you change things up, maybe you notice or experience something new–it’s okay if it’s as small as changing the driving route you usually take for work, errands, or school.
Further, as I wrote in Try Something Different, changing routinized habits can stimulate novel parts of your brain.
Small daily challenges that don’t overwhelm are good for you! Changing Your Routine is the counterbalance to Establishing Daily Rituals. One of the purposes of establishing rituals is to set off a chain reaction in your brain so your mind and body can go on automatic pilot and easily transition from one thing to the next (remember this from The Power of Habit?). This is a powerful tool when we need to transition during our day, say from the productive part of your day to family/relaxation time, or when we need to perform certain tasks at peak level.
But, if you’re going through most of your day on automatic pilot, that’s not so great–you’re likely to become bored, understimulated, and not observant of your environment.
So change one (or more!) parts of your routine today to challenge yourself and get those neurons rewiring and firing!
What part of your routine do you plan to change today?
Back in Week 2 of Daily Shoring, I wrote about establishing a morning ritual, bookending your day, and a bedtime ritual. Today, I want you to think about protecting your most important daily routines.
Over the past weeks, have you progressed in establishing or refining your daily rituals?
How do you protect the time for these rituals in your day? How can you protect these habits when life is especially stressful and chaotic? Times of stress are when you most need the grounding of daily rituals, but also when it’s easiest to let life get in the way.
So today, I want you to identify the “absolutes” in your daily rituals.
It’s a good idea to winnow down your “ideal” daily routines to the most meaningful few minutes–your “absolutes.” These are the rituals that you get the most out of and shouldn’t skip, no matter how stressful life becomes. On a daily basis, aim for the ideal, but commit yourself to the absolutes, no exceptions.
Which part of your daily ritual has the greatest positive impact and how can you protect that time?
It can be as simple as planning your day with your morning cup of coffee or 5 minutes of gentle stretching before bedtime.
If you have not made progress with daily rituals, here are a couple of posts for inspiration!
Steven Pressfield’s Morning Routine
Asian Efficiency’s Evening Rituals
What daily rituals are most important to you?
