One of the most powerful tools you have for improving your resiliency is your own voice.
Knowledge of your own strengths and capabilities is invaluable for developing a healthy sense of self esteem and the ability to endure challenges and setbacks with an intact sense of self.
I’m dismayed at how many people constantly self-criticize –in a mean-spirited manner they would never foist on anyone else. People sometimes justify this, saying, “That’s how I push myself to do better.” However, relentless self-criticism is not an effective technique because it’s one-sided. It focuses only on the negative side of the equation and solves for nothing. Self reflection is good–you can’t grow if you’re not honest about your shortcomings–but encouragement and a plan for improvement should be the focus (see Daily Accounting).
Pre-packaged affirmations are hard to take seriously because they are often hyperbolic, syrupy, and/or irrelevant.
However, affirmations scripted by you, and recorded in your own voice, can be life changing.
Below is a communication from a client who discovered the power of hearing affirmations in her own voice. Please read this.
Just recorded my 2nd set of affirmations, this one w/some imagery. Doing these tailored to your needs and in your own voice, and/or with imagery that is immediate (rather than multiple choice imagery which is detracting) can get you through barriers you never dreamed you’d break. There is something about one’s own voice, using one’s own mannerisms, saying specific things (rather than generic and partially irrelevant things), that gets to the subconscious and sticks. Real fundamental change happens. Not mere mnemonics that fail in battle or fairytale beliefs that are wonderful but not you at all, none of which come to mind when you need it- probably just because it’s so foreign to who you are. These, tailored, your wording, your needs, your voice, your way of speaking… After listening about ten times in a row, you will pull it out in battle naturally as if it were always a part of you. You find that the way you handle particular situations now are – not robotic or awkward or textbook, but uniquely you. After a while, you will completely absorb the meat of the recording, it becomes a part of who you are, you outgrow the need for it, and can move on to a new one. (— this NEVER happens with boxed/bought affirmations or imagery. They are mostly just temporary relaxation, not life changing).
It’s a goofy feeling to record your own voice, using your own unprofessional wording, and as you’re bumbling around you won’t believe for a minute that it’s going to work. A client might need help/encouragement to write it in his/her own mannerism (if it is in any way ‘canned’ I can’t vouch that it will work), and might need help remembering to speak soothingly and to pause long enough to take a deep breath and let it out between every so-many syllables (think spoon-feed), and to say only affirmative things (ex. ‘My body does bring me pleasure,’ instead of ‘So what if I’m fat,’ both good, but the latter gives no scaffolding to grow on), to speak only of yourself and not others, and repeat the key phrase often. These can be very personal, clients might want to ‘fix it up’ if asked to share it. (I can’t vouch for it working if written to please another).
After getting over the flakiness of it all, recording the right tone and pace, once you hear it… it is like… your subconscious is speaking to you rather than the other way around. Amazing. It WORKS. For me, there was no process of working to ‘become’ the affirmations. After listening repeatedly, closely at first, then as one might listen off handedly to test study prep material, I found myself thinking it and correcting bad thinking with it, with no effort at all. It became me. I used to say ‘I hate myself’ a 1000x a day, automatically, self punishment that seemed right. Now, even under great stress, the idea of saying that feels incongruent with my spirit, as strange and useless as saying ‘I’m a horse’.’ Consequently, I responded differently, maybe not fabulously, but not as someone who hates herself. (Packaged affirmations cannot do that).
Please, please try this. I think this can help others like me. I think it might be a miracle, I think we might have a technique that’ll be the greatest break-through in the past 100 years.
(Shared by a client; permission granted for publication)
